Embracing Our Sensitive Side
Have you been told you are “too sensitive”? Do you ever wish you didn’t have the strong emotions that seem to show up without warning? “Sensitivity” seems to get a bad wrap but we can find ways to turn in into a strength. In their new book Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World, Jenn Granneman and Andre Solo aim to correct misunderstandings of what it means to be a sensitive person. In the process they hope to end the stigma of being “too sensitive”.
Grannerman and Solo begin by defining sensitivity as a “heightened ability to perceive, process, and respond deeply to one’s environment.” This means that highly sensitive people are getting more information and thinking about it more intensely than less sensitive people.
Both our genetics and our early environment play a role in the strength of our reactions or sensitivity. Numerous studies (like the one published in Nature which studied adolescent twins) have found a correlation between genetics and sensitivity. It’s also easy to understand how environmental factors (like growing up in an unsafe home) can make sensitivity an effective survival strategy to pick up on even the most subtle of cues that danger might be coming.
Granneman and Solo describe the positive attributes of highly sensitive people including empathy, sensory intelligence, and depth of emotion. “Sensitive people have empathy in spades, so much so that the difference can be seen in brain scans,” they write. Sensitive people are more likely to see suffering and take action to alleviate the suffering in others.
Sensitive people also tend to have more sensory intelligence as they are taking more information in from the environment. This extra information can help lead to smart choices.
Higher sensitivity also produces a greater depth of feeling, which can enhance connection. It’s true that sometimes this depth can feel overwhelming, but when managed correctly it can lead to deeper relationships. The bond between a small child and parent/caregiver is enhanced when the adult is very sensitive to the child’s needs and does his/her best to meet them. The child can then grow up to be securely attached.
“If you’re sensitive, your deep emotionality is why you’re an exceptional listener, why people naturally trust you, and why you’re probably the go-to confidant when anyone in your friend group needs advice,” the authors state.
They also include some tips for managing the challenges that come with sensitivity. The first is to be aware when things start to feel overwhelming and take a break. We can also try calming sensory input like soothing music, being still or seeking out a hug. Granneman and Solothe also advise maintaining good boundaries. Being able to say “no” is a good life skill. Lastly, they suggest making time for laughter and play; which are always good antidotes to feelings of being overwhelmed.
“Rather than seeing sensitivity as a weakness, we need to start seeing it for what it actually is—a strength,” write the authors. “It’s time we embrace sensitivity and all it has to offer.” We can appreciate the real courage it takes to be close to our feelings. There are going to be moments when going through life without armor is difficult, but the connections we get in return are well worth it the effort!
