How Do I Find My Purpose?
In our busy, fast-paced world it can be easy to lose track of our values. We go from one minute to the next without stopping to think about what matters most to us. This can be an empty, unfulfilling way to live.
It often takes slowing down and becoming more mindful to understand where we find meaning.
When was the last time you paused to consider what gives you a sense of purpose? When did you last feel a pull to reconnect with the values that you’ve inherited from your family, friends, or culture? Perhaps your circumstances have changed and you need to explore an entirely new path to meaning.
All of this might sound overwhelming, but knowing what matters to us is the first step to finding our greater purpose.
Steven Hayes, a founder of Acceptance of Commitment Therapy, has long championed the importance of connecting with our values. He describes them as “chosen qualities of being and doing” that can be expressed in action (think of verbs and adverbs like “persisting”). He contrasts them with goals, which are defined as end-state achievements (think of noun phrases like “financial success”).
In a January 2023 article for Psychology Today, Hayes writes, “Your values not only tell you where to focus your efforts and energies but also provide you with a new source of motivation. The pain you have had to endure along your journey becomes much easier to bear when it is in service to your goals and values.” So our values point to what gives us the drive and courage to take important action.
Hayes’ website (stevenchayes.com) includes Kelly G. Wilson’s Valued Living Questionnaire. This list of 12 value domains can be used to rate their personal importance to us and assess our consistency in taking action in them.
Family (other than marital or parental relationships)
Marriage/couple dynamics/intimate relationships
Parenting
Friends/social life
Work
Education/training
Recreation/fun
Spirituality
Citizenship/community life
Physical self care (diet, exercise, sleep)
Environment
Art, creative expression, and aesthetics
There is no right or wrong in selecting which domains are most important to you. This tool simply helps us to determine if we are actually doing what we say is important to us. If the reality of what we are doing doesn’t match up with what we want to be doing, it is possible to change. This will involve work, but we should work with a clear purpose!
Hayes goes on to argue that, “Acting in line with your heart’s deepest desires brings a sense of fulfillment and vitality that no material wealth can match.”
So take the time to slow down, think about your current values, and reconnect with your personal sense of purpose.
